Planting the Idea “Look at Smith over there in the corner
buried in thought.”
“Mighty shallow grave, isn’t it?”
Niagara Falls Review.
Mete Reply—Customer: The
new butcher across the street is giving you tough competition.
Butcher: That’s all right. The
time for me to worry is when he starts giving me tender competition.emdash;2?dmonton Bulletin.
The Better Half Policeman (after a collision): You saw this lady driving toward you. Why didn’t you give her half the road?
Motorist: I couldn’t tell which half she wanted. Nanaimo Free Press.
Don’t Get Mademdash;A man went to a mental specialist.
“What seems to be the trouble?”
I asked the doctor.
The patient responded by vigorously brushing imaginary things off his arm, explaining, “See? I have dragons on my sleeve.”
The specialist, backing away, screamed: “Well, you don’t have to brush them off onto me!” Saint rJohn Telegraph-Journal.
Giveawayemdash;“Unless you pay up soon,” wrote the blackmailer, “the gang will be instructed to kidnap your wife.”
“I have no money,” came a reply, “but I am interested in your proposition.” - K itchener Record.
Sharp Profileemdash;The late John Barrymore was out walking one Easter Sunday, when he saw a certain notorious snob approaching. He tried to avoid the man, but the other singled him out with the hearty greeting, “Good afternoon, Barrymore. You are positively the only person I’ve met today worth stopping to speak to.”
“Really?” rejoined Barrymore. “Then you’re more fortunate than I am.”emdash;Niagara Falls Review.
The story you want is part of the Maclean’s Archives. To access it, log in here or sign up for your free 30-day trial.
Experience anything and everything Maclean's has ever published — over 3,500 issues and 150,000 articles, images and advertisements — since 1905. Browse on your own, or explore our curated collections and timely recommendations.WATCH THIS VIDEO for highlights of everything the Maclean's Archives has to offer.