Frustrated to the point of idiocy by her six-year-old’s habit of dawdling till he’s nearly late for school, a Vancouver mother conceived a brilliant cure while watching a TV newsreel. Now every schoolday morning at 8.45 Ian takes his position on the rocket platform (doormat), mother tootles a couple of warning alarms (doorbell), intones a realistic countdown (Five - four - three - two - one),
then jerks an electronic switch (letterbox
flap) and yells “Blast off!” Away shoots her grade-one-type Canadian rocket missile — and he hasn’t gone out of orbit yet.
* * *
A fellow in Calgary who feeds a lot of nickels into parking meters was delighted to encounter one that was jammed with the time showing permanently as not quite expired. Just as he was putting his nickel back into his pocket some Good Samaritan observed him, boomed “Stuck, eh — the darn things do that occasionally” . . . and giving the meter a vicious boot started it ticking again.
* * *
Two considerate Regina policemen encountered a motorist changing a flat on 13th Avenue late one evening and stayed to floodlight the area with their flashlights until he’d finished the dusty task in nimble time. Then they said good night and went on their way, and didn’t hear the motorist’s wife filling him in on some details he’d been unaware of, or hear the good laugh that man and wife enjoyed. The efficient tire changer was blind, and his wife didn’t have the heart to tell the constables their kindly help was wasted.
* * *
Toronto papers carry dull and monotonous columns of real-estate ads most nights, but the Star’s for-sale section got a real lift with this one:
“If traffic stimulates you; if cemeteries hold no terrors — here is an attractive solid-brick 6-room house, plus paneled recreation room, with Moore Park on doorstep . . . mutual drive (perfect neighbors); low running cost; moderate down payment; outrageous taxes. Ideal for birdwatchers, children over 3 years; tree lovers or intrepid parents ...”
* * *
The Dominion Forestry Farm outside Saskatoon has signs posted on its lawns reading, “Please keep ON the grass.”
* * *
One of Ottawa’s taller and heftier citizens went looking for a new kitchen stool
in a local department store, found one that looked promising, but asked the clerk if it would be strong enough to hold his weight. “Why, certainly, sir,” replied the clerk confidently. The customer pulled out the folding steps, mounted the stool, and turning to ask the price found the salesman standing stock still, eyes closed, right arm up in saluting position with fingers crossed.
* * *
We thought the premium craze was waning and that manufacturers were tiring of giving something free with every purchase until we received a dispatch
Disturbing advertisement from the Bracebridge, Ont., Herald-Gazette forsale column:
1 lawn mower 18-in. rotocut,
1 hand, both in good condition . . .
* * *
One of the more intriguing if less publicized sights of this centennial summer in B. C. has been an honest-to-goodness native Indian dugout canoe cruising up and down the Kitimat River, propelled by a brand-new outboard motor.
from Port aux Basques, Nfld., where a shopper opened a new can of peas and found a dollar bill inside.
* * *
The postman always rings twice, according to legend, but we know one who’s going to knock in future. He pressed the buzzer to gain admittance to a Verdun, Que., apartment house and an electric spark touched off a gas blast that caved in store fronts across the street, toppled a wall onto a parked car, but left the postie miraculously unhurt.
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