Wit Wisdom and Whimsicality

July 1 1931

Wit Wisdom and Whimsicality

July 1 1931

Wit Wisdom and Whimsicality

When Wrong Is All Right—A sport writer is one of the few persons who get paid for guessing wrong.—Stirling News-Argus.

Rolling Stones—Many young men go out into the world to seek an opening and find themselves in the hole.—Stewart (B.C.) News.

The Modern Way It’s a modern home if she does her preserving in front of the mirror instead of the kitchen stove. Medicine Hat News.

Not So Easy—Before condemning Hollywood divorces, try starving yourself for six months and see if you love anybody.—St. Thomas Times-Jour nal.

Slightly in Error—Correct this sentence. “I saw that fellow in white pants.” said the truck driver, “and I dodged the mud puddle so’s not to splatter him.”— Toronto Star.

Sanity—Sixteen families have moved into Stratford since the first of March, evidence that there is considerable sanity left in the world.—Stratford Beacon-Herald.

Times Have Changed—Some oldfashioned parents once worried about getting their daughters married, but now they worry about getting them to stay married. —Galt Reporter.

Misplaced Ambition—An observing farmer friend says it beats all how an old hen will exert herself to lay an egg when they are worth only twelve cents a dozen.

-Hamilton Herald.

The Brute!—I have no sympathy with the burly pedestrian charged with knocking over a baby motor car and then walking callously away without ascertaining if anybody was injured.—Winnipeg Tribune.

Preparation—Uncle Sam fired a West Point cadet for getting married. Apparently the military authorities do not believe that a cadet should take up matrimony until he has learned how to fight.—Victoria Colonist.

Fashions in Physiognomy—It will be gathered from the predictions of the fashion experts that women will wear their legs shorter this summer, while men’s faces will be much longer after the Budget.—Vancouver Star.

Almost Impossible—Probably the most difficult card trick of all is how to get out of making a fourth at bridge.—Kingston WhigStandard.

Living and Learning Once upon a time a man used to live and learn; nowadays it takes him all his time to learn to live.— Regina Star.

Chequed—Communication from Mister Gloom intimates that sometimes money refuses to talk because you put a cheque on it.

—Bracebridge Gazette.

Nature’s Compensation—One good thing about being obscure and dumb is that you escape a lot of disagreeable committee work.—Brantford Expositor.

Where Will They Be?—How lost the important citizen will feel when he faces the final judgment and can’t find a lawyer in the place.—Calgary Herald.

A Chestnut—Maybe it’s only a coincidence that all burlesque houses and expensive revues open in the fall—which is also chestnut time.—Regina Leader-Post.

The Ambitious Worm—Most of these old saws have crosscut teeth. The early bird wouldn’t catch the worm if the worm didn't get a wiggle on so early.—Windsor Star.

A Thin Story—The saddest story of the month was about a woman who used a fleshreducing roller for two months and the only result was that the roller got thinner.— Toronto Globe.

Sting and Double Sting—Another difference between death and taxes is that death doesn’t get worse every time the Legislature meets.—New Westminster British Columbian.

Where There’s a Will—A gramophone record has been made that won’t break if thrown from a fourth floor window. The only thing to do is throw it from a fifth floor window.—Ottawa Citizen.

There’s Money in Them Thar Bills—

Two disgruntled New York husbands have issued a new monthly publication called "Alimony.” They should make it a success as they know all about a paying proposition. —Edmonton Bulletin.