HUMOR

Wit and Wisdom

February 1 1936
HUMOR

Wit and Wisdom

February 1 1936

Wit and Wisdom

In Fewer Words

Modern Conversation Don’t blame the girls if their voices aren’t ladylike. They have to squall to be heard above the howling radio. —Dunnville Gazelle.

How to Become a Writer —John Galsworthy told us that he revised "The Fugitive” eleven times, “The Pigeon” seven times, and "The Patriots” six times.— John O'London 's Weekly.

Qualified—The man who lias had much experience in meeting a payroll is likely to have some pretty good suggestions on the state of the country that a university professor might overlook.—Rosetown (Sask.; Eagle.

Prosperity -A Sudbury depression casualty has come back so strongly since Nickel shares went up that he recently restored $1.13 in pennies to the baby’s bank. Sudbury Star.

Dictators, Beware They say that Longwood, Napoleon’s residence at St. Helena, is being put into repair, and Italy is expected to demand assurances that this is not intended as a minatory gesture.—Punch.

Isn’t It True? If you take no part in civic affairs, a lot of your fellow townsmen say you are not public spirited. If you are active in your community’s affairs, a group will say you are trying to run everything.

Hamilton Spectator.

Talkers vs Listeners The wise man knows he can never learn anything while talking. That’s the reason he listens so much. —Niagara Palls Review.

Implicit Faith A happy home is where vour wife asks you how to pronounce a difficult F'rench word, and then accepts your interpretation of it without question. St. John’s (Nfld. ' Telegram.

More Improvement Needed Everything connected with the 1936 motor cars has been improved except the drivers. Many a full gas tank is still geared to an empty head. -Galt Reporter.

A Serious Remark—The fellow who refuses to take himself seriously may miss a lot of dignity and honor, but he usually enjoys a longer, happier life.—Ottawa Journal.

Didn’t Wash Off -One reason why romance lasted longer in the old days was because a bride looked much the same after washing her face.—Farmer's Advocate.

The Gardener

Oh, I wish I were a gardener, sighs the salesman in the shop!

Oh, I wish I were a gardener, growls the burly traffic cop!

It is nice amongst the flowers in the shade of spreading trees;

Still — the gardener thinks of poison

'ms in his peas!

For the smell of honeysuckle, the perfume of mignonette Longs the lawyer in his office and the lardman skimming fat!

Thorns of roses sees the gardener, scratches on his toil-worn hand, While the ladies gush admiring — oh, the roses! They are grand!

Pansies always do remind me of a child’s mischievous face,

Softly says the tender mother; but the tired gardener says—

They remind me of a backache, of a back nigh broke in two!

Who would care to look at pansies, once he plants a mile or two?

—Kerstan.

Queer Literary Taste A voter of a macabre turn of mind lays away unopened all literature received in the campaign, and reads it a month or two after election. — Montreal Star.

Now, Dave, Be Nice—Dave: ‘‘Mother says she will be still and not butt into our affairs any more. Please come home. Sarah.” Inter-City News, Missouri.

Backward Russia—Russia impresses us as a country where it will be a long time before the two-pants-suit movement makes much headway.—Sarnia Observer.

Compensation — Although you can’t make your old car look like a new model, there’s a good deal of comfort in observing how a few hours of winter slush can make a new model look like an old one.— Quebec Chronicle-Telegraph.

The Leading Racket—No one can make us believe that women are smarter than men until they think up a smarter racket than politics.—Kitchener Record.

Motor-Gar Roads— More than a white line is needed to keep traffic separated as it moves in opposite directions. Parkways are the coming thing, and many are under construction at the time of writing.—Scientific American.

Agricultural Progress—The Department of Agriculture is experimenting at its Beltsville. Md., farm in an effort to develop a smaller turkey to fit modern ovens.—Life.

What D’You Mean?—An electric shock from a defective lamp caused a woman to lose her speech completely the other day. We thought some husbands might like to know.—Regina Leader-Post.