Wit and Wisdom

May 1 1940

Wit and Wisdom

May 1 1940

Wit and Wisdom

In Fewer Words

Western Deficiency—Things we miss in Western Canada—Cigar store Indians, cracker barrels, chestnut trees, barefoot boys, livery stables, fly nets on horses, peg top pants, two-for-a-nickel cigars, earmuffs, life saver ropes in hotel bedrooms, pigtails on small girls, a natural complexion on the big girls.—London Free Press.

No Laughing Matter—Tubby.—You must do as you are told. I'll tell you when to laugh.—Nobby.—Personal in London T imes.

Hurrah for Romance!—Before marrying a young girl an old widower should divide his money among his relatives. That will add romance to the marriage.— Kingston Whig-Standard.

Let’s Keep Going—Scientists say if the earth quit revolving it would fall into the sun in two months, and that seems to be a gtxxl argument for keeping on going. —Erin (Ont.; Advocate.

Business Training—Dr. W. E. Blatz, psychologist, says children have no imagination left after going through public and high schools. Well, isn’t this a perfectly g;xxi training for business?—Quebec Chronicle-Telegraph.

Weak Excuse—A man was recently charged with stealing over a ton of metal from a munitions factory. His plea that he did it in a moment of weakness was not accepted.—Fort William Times-Journal.

Bathtub Mystery—And another of life’s great mysteries is whether people sing in their bathtubs because they are happy or because the door won’t fasten securely.— Western Farm Leader.

Warning to Girls—If a young man grins in your direction, girls, he may not be smiling at you. He may be only laughing at your hat.—Toronto Star Weekly.

Rolling Along—An explorer says that he will never marry. This rolling stone intends to gather no boss.—Fredericton Cleaner.

’The Busiest Lady—It’s easy to pick out the hostess. She’s the one trying to move glasses and cigarette butts in time to save the furniture.—Niagara Falls Revietc.

Imagination—The hero of a recently published German novel is a high Nazi official of unblemished character. No reference is intended to any living person. —The Humorist.

Eggsactly—Under Nazi food control regulations each Czech is allowed half an egg per week. Of course, if he’s a glutton and eats the whole egg at one sitting, he has to go eggless the following week.— —Sudbury Star.

Two Churchills—Churchill in Canada has been unusually mild this winter, hut Winston in England, on the contrary, when dealing with the Nazi leaders, has been unusually severe.—Toronto Star.

Maybe Adam Laughed at These

Just a Detail—The pilot had taken great pains to explain all about his airplane to the pretty young visitor at the airport— its mechanical features, purpose of this and that, what pilots did to meet actual flying conditions, etc. He looked at the girl and smiled. “Now, you understand, don’t you?”

“All but one thing.” replied the girl.

“And what is that?” he asked.

“What makes the thing stay up?” —Sarnia Observer.

Badly Damaged—It was after the raid and the pilots were clambering out of their machines, very pleased with themselves.

But one man began to shake violently, and put his hand to his head.

They led him to the mess. They gave him drink after drink but still his hands shook.

Presently the M.O. arrived.

“Steady, boy,” he said, “Nerves.”

“Nerves be jiggered !” said the patient “I can’t get this wrist watch to go.”—Gal Reporter.

Soap-Box Oratory — The soap-box orator found many things to criticize.

“And what do we do?” he cried. “We pursue the shadow, the bubble bursts, and leaves but ashes in our empty hands!” —Edmonton Bulletin.

No Consideration—Factory Worker: “We had a meeting last night to go out on a strike. Why weren’t you there?”

Second F. W.: “I couldn't get there

because the trolleymen walked out. Those fellows haven’t any consideration for the public.”—Manufacturing and Industrial Engineering.