Wit and Wisdome

In Fewer Words Laughing Matter

March 1 1942
Wit and Wisdome

In Fewer Words Laughing Matter

March 1 1942

In Fewer Words Lauhging Matter

Wit and Wisdome

Progressive Thinker—-There are a number of highly authoritative lists of the “ten greatest thinkers of history.” An honorable eleventh place should always he reserved for that estimable guest who “thinks he will go home” and proceeds to do it.

■—Sault Ste. Marie Star.

Or Anything Else—By the time Stalin is through with him dear Adolf will be ready to admit that Russia is one section where he has no territorial ambitions.—Owen SoundSwnTimes.

A Yolk and Yoke Joke—After noting the number of acclamations given councils we are convinced of two very dead things—a cold fried egg and a wartime election.—Sudbury Star.

Full Blast—The world is full of trouble but this part is not as full as some others.—Kitchener Record.

Don’t Get Mixed—The speed of your car depends on whether you are bragging to a friend or explaining to a judge.—Niagara Falls Review.

Dishing Wishing—Of course, in this war, we can take it, hut when are we going to start dishing it out?— Brandon Sun.

Nazi Claptrap—The German heat is being turned on in Sweden, because of her continued neutrality, continued in spite of the utmost in Nazi pressure. Yet it is difficult to imagine the sturdy Swedes falling into the Nazi trap.—Niagara Falls Review.

No Dough, No Woe—When a man is turned down by a girl because he isn’t well off, he really is.— Montreal Herald.

An End To It Soon—Turkey is still sitting on the fence and every day the barbs are getting sharper.— London Free Press.

Coming: Bamboo Bomb Boom!

—Today’s version: Those who live in bamboo houses should not throw bombs.—Calgary Herald.

Versus Snowballs?—Two neighbors were arrested for throwing coal. Wish one of them would move next door to us.—Timmins Press.

In Reverski—Hitler used to think Russia was a backward country, and Russia is sending his Army backward at top speed.—Vancouver Sun.

Never Can Tell—Why is it, asks a Sault banker, that people always write their names more plainly when making out a deposit slip than when signing a cheque?—Sault Ste. Marie Star.

Or Summer—Winter is that time of year when a ride in a rumble seat is the final test of true love!—North Bay Nugget.

MerryG oRo u ml—A pleasure

driver’s tires should not wear out, for they never do any work. They’re just on a continual round of pleasure. —Toronto Star.

Bravo, The Dutch!—Who would have believed it possible, if it had been predicted at the beginning of the war, that the Dutch Navy would prove to be more important than the Maginot Line?—Toronto Globe and Mail.

Aussies Wide Awake—Insomnia victims might migrate to Australia where there are now 123,000,000 sheep, largely uncounted.—Quebec Chronicle-Telegraph.

No Fragile China—Mr. Churchill expressed something that is becoming more apparent from day to day when he said that it was wonderful how China had fought for five years against an army of the quality of the Japanese.—Kitchener Record.

Unravelled—A thought for today: The best gold braid in the world used to be manufactured in France—and lock at France!—Sudbury Star.

No Reflection, Friend—Shortage of wool may cut the amount available for civilian use. That’s where our old suits will shine.—Guelph Mercury.

Fair Enough—Now that weather broadcasting is prohibited, would it be all right for a broadcaster to say the weather is unspeakable? — Edmonton Journal.

With One Hand In The Grave—

A statesman is one who buries the hatchet for the duration. A politician is one who remembers where it was buried. — Stratford Beacon-Herald.

Or No Rights Left—“The pedestrian has rights as well as the motorist.” But it isn’t always wise to stand on your rights where a car can clip you.—Montreal Herald.

“Whups, I’m All Upset!”—If

the U.S. ever wants a crew for a twoman sub, we’d suggest Abbot and Costello.—North Bay Nugget.

No Business—A woman isn’t necessarily a business woman just because she’s interested in everybody’s business.—Calgary Albertan

Sum Fun — Father took his small son to church. At one stage of the service the clergyman announced: “We shall now sing hymn number two hundred and twenty-two. ‘Ten thousand times ten thousand.’ Two hundred and twenty-two.”

The puzzled lad nudged his father. “Dad,” he whispered, “do we have to work this out?”—Fort William TimesJ our nal.

Strange—“A month ago I was crazy about Jack; now I don’t care for him a bit.”

“Yes, it’s strange how changeable men are.” — Saint John, N.B.,


Justice — Male Straphanger: Madam, you are standing on my foot.

Female Straphanger: I beg your

pardon. I thought it belonged to the man sitting down.—Niagara Falls


Sold!—Mrs. Blank: “Dear, when I was down town today, I saw the sweetest little hat in a window on Douglas Street.”

Mr. Blank: “Put it on and let’s see how you look.”—Galt Reporter.

Lost—“Offisher,” said the inebriated one, “Pm looking for a parkin’ plashe.”

“But you’ve got no car.”

“Oh, yesh, I have. It’s in the parkin’ plashe I’m looking for.”— Alameda, Sask., Dispatch.

Day of Daze — He was a new and very nervous recruit, and dropped his rifle while at drill. The sergeantmajor’s eyes popped out of his head at the sight, and for a few moments he gasped for breath. Then:

“Hey, you!” he roared. “How long have you been in the Army?” “P-p-please, sir,” faltered the miserable recruit, “all d-d-day, sir.” —Moncton Transcript.

Modern Ways — Father (to infant son sucking his thumb): “Hey, son, don’t do that. You’ll need it when you’re old enough to travel.” -—Sherbrooke Record.

Due Respect—He was a very new officer, having been commissioned from the ranks, and had been with his company only a week. He had been on manoeuvres, had done a twentymile route march, swam in the sea in full pack, and turned out for the company rugger team on Saturday.

Writing home on Sunday, he began his letter: “My hardest job is to remember not to call the sergeant major ‘sir.’ ” — Guelph M ercury.

Some Months—Judge—What is your age, madam?

Fair witness—Twenty-two years and some months.

Judge—Just how many months? You know you are on oath.

Witness—A hundred and twenty. —Quebec Chronicle-Telegraph.

The Latest—Grocer: “Well, little man, what can I do for you?”

Boy: “My mother sent me to get change for a dollar bill, and said she would give you the dollar bill tomorrow.”—Sarnia Observer.