Pretty applicant—“Yes, sir; but it takes me longer.”—Kitchener Record.
Double Header — The absentminded professor and his wife left their apartment to attend a lecture. While the wife pressed the elevator button the professor felt the top of his head.
“Wait a minute, dear,” he exclaimed. “I forgot my hat.”
He went back to his apartment and was gone for several minutes. When he finally rejoined his wife at the elevator, he was still without his hat.
His wife eyed her husband’s bare head.
“Where’s your hat?” she asked.
The professor’s eyes widened.
“My goodness!” he cried. “Did I forget that, too?” — Fredericton Gleaner.
Check—Conductor—“Next station is Long Wait Junction. Change cars for Mauch Chunk, Squeedunk, Quakake and Podunk, Hokendaqua, Catasaqua, Mecanaqua and Tamaqua.”
Green Brakeman (at other end of car)—“Same at this end.”—Toronto Globe and Mail.
Prepared—A headmaster from Birmingham, the day before evacuation was due, told pupils why they should go, what they should take, how they should behave.
“How long is it for?” one lad asked.
“Perhaps for the duration,” said the Head.
Whereupon up shot the hand of a bright thirteen-year-old with a broad smile and very smooth chin.
“Please, sir, hadn’t we better take shaving kit?”—Saint John TelegraphJournal.
Important—A new government ] official, who was rather pompous, was I staying at a country inn, and as he entered the breakfast room the only other visitor present rose to his feet.
“Sit down, sit down,” boomed the official, condescendingly.
“Why?” asked the other. “Can’t I get up for some marmalade?”— Port Arthur News-Chronicle.
Brief—A lady, checking over her grocery bill, found this item: “One tom cat, fifteen cents.” Indignant, she called up her grocer and demanded to know what he meant by such a charge.
“Oh, that’s all right, Mrs. Blank,” he replied. “That’s just an abbreviation for tomato catsup.”— Sarnia Observer.
Easy—On Willie’s return from his first dancing class, his mother asked: j “Well, Willie, how do you like your dancing lesson?”
“Oh,” he replied, “it’s easy. All you have to do is turn around and keep wiping your feet.” — Fort William Times-Jour nal.
Bread Upon Waters — A charitable woman, much interested in a poor neighborhood, noticed that whenever she went through the street a down-and-out man stood at the corner. One morning, feeling sorry for him, she slipped a dollar into his hand and whispered, “Never despair.”
Next time she saw him, he stopped her and handed her nine dollars.
“What does this mean?” she asked.
“It means, mum, that Never Despair won 8 to 1.”—Montreal Star.
Coincidence!—Mary: “My mistress is so curious.”
Ann: “How is that?”
Mary: “Today I looked through the keyhole into her room and she was looking through the keyhole out at me.”—Welland-Port Colborne Tribune.
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