HUMOR

PARADE THE GRIN AND BARE IT SECTION

January 1 1944
HUMOR

PARADE THE GRIN AND BARE IT SECTION

January 1 1944

PARADE

THE GRIN AND BARE IT SECTION

HUMOR

CANADIAN-AMERICAN relations advanced several points on a bulliah market in Edmonton the other day when Barney, a Boston bulldog,

returned home to his mistress with his tear ducts fixed and a snappy new harness adorning his little body. After wandering away from his home, Barney had been missing for some time—but apparently he was in good hands, visiting with the boys of the U. S. Army Engineers at their big Edmonton base. Noticing that Barney’s eyes were troubling him, the Engineers took up a collection, had him treated by a vet and outfitted with a new harness.

When he trotted back to his owner, this note was pinned to the harness: “The U. S. Engineers have

fixed my eyes for me. All I need now is a daily rinse with boracic acid.”

During harvest season last fall, George Towns, Winnipeg, went to visit his daughter on a farm near Thornhill, Man., and while there decided he might just as well pitch in and help out. He stooked 12 acres of grain, helped with the threshing and then returned to Winnipeg where, before the snow came, he spaded his large garden for next spring.

Mr. Towns is 97.

Evidently the ammunition used by west coast hunters is not as short as their eyesight and the man who shot a farmer’s cow by mistake has nothing on a Nimrod from Terrace, B.C.

While hunting near Smithers, B.C., this man shot a farmer’s horse wearing full harness. He thought it was a moose.

Evidence of the “take-it-or-leave-it” attitude of today’s landlords may he found in a recent advertisement carried by a Montreal newspaper. Under “Apartments To Let,” this appeared:

“DORCHESTER WEST—Completely furnished, including linen, dishes, bedbugs . ...”

It was an embarrassing moment for an official of the West Coast Board of Trade when, at a recent banquet, he introduced Lei Chao (Chinese consul) as consul general for Japan. But with typical Chinese philosophy the consul helped his host out of a tough spot by telling the gathering:

“The Japanese consul won’t be here today. However, it probably won’t be many months before I’ll be representing both Japan and China.”

Overcrowded and busy, big cities these days can be lonely spots for the many strangers recently moved to them. In Ottawa one night, not long ago, a man newly arrived in the capital was amazed by the incessant ringing of the telephone in his apartment. He was more amazed by the fact that each time the phone rang, his wife answered it eagerly, saying: “I’m so

sorry, hut it’s gone.”

After this had been going on for an hour or so, the husband’s curiosity got the better of him. Since neither he nor his wife knew anybody in Ottawa, he asked her with whom she had been talking.

It was all very simple, she explained. She had put an advertisement in the paper offering an apartment for rent.

“But we have no apartment for rent,” said the husband.

“I know,” grinned the wife, “but it was a good idea. I got so lonesome wishing the phone would ring like it used to back home. Since the ad appeared I’ve talked to some of the nicest people. I’m even having lunch with one of them tomorrow.”

Something new in purse-snatching technique came to light in Windsor the other day when a citizen related a sad story to city police. He had been standing on a street corner when a stranger sidled up and said:

“I’ll bet I have more money than you have.”

“I’ll bet you haven’t!” the citizen had replied, indignantly, taking out his wallet to prove his contention.

It was at this point that the stranger grabbed the purse and made off with the $41 it contained.

A Vancouver meat-packing firm almost committed a faux pas not long ago during a visit to that city by Herbert Marshall, Hollywood movie idol. Ml^ Marshall was visiting the west coast in aid ol Canada’s war effort and the employees of the meat company decided to honor him with a gift. With mea rationing and whatnot in mind, they had a beautiful big ham all picked out and wrapped for delivery. Then somebody remembered that a ham would hardly be an appropriate gift for an actor. Instead, Mr. Marshall’s wife was given a bouquet of flowers.

There may be a shortage of workers but according to a notice in the Picton Gazette the Prince Edward Branch of the Red Cross is still fussy about the kind of knitters it uses. Here’s what the notice said:

“Persons knitting long sleeve khaki (only) sweaters must have round necks, not turtle necks.”

Edmonton has at least one citizen who goes the proverbial absent-minded professor one better.

The other night a roomer in an Edmonton home was jolted from a sound sleep to find several members of the fire department in his room. They had burst in to extinguish a fire blazing in the mattress upon which he had been blissfully sleeping.

Some other roomer in the building had phoned in the alarm but had forgotten to waken the man whose bed was on fire.

Shades of Paul Bunyan!

Bush workers in the Lakehead district must be hefty fellows, according to one pulpwood company which evidently doesn’t mind the overhead. Here’s how it recently advertised for help in the Port Arthur NewsChronicle:

WANTED 8 FOOT PULPWOOD CUTTERS

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