HUMOR

Parade

December 15 1944
HUMOR

Parade

December 15 1944

Parade

HUMOR

THE GRIN AND BARE

DOWN at the biology laboratory of the National Research Council, Ottawa, they recently overcame a crisis, during which anarchy threatened the guinea pig community.

Normally the guinea pig is a torpid and docile beast, not famed for nimbleness of foot or wit. Guinea pig pens, therefore, are only a foot high. This makes it easy to tend and feed the little animals, and keeps the various test groups effectively separated. But a few months ago there arose a giant of his race, who could, and did, jump over the one-foot walls and have the run of the whole laboratory in the dark of the evening.

It was not long before the jumper was identified and removed, but alas, he proved to have been equally enterprising in other ways. The next generation of guinea pigs born in the NRC lab showed that the jumper’s prowess had not died with him—he had left an equally nimble posterity in practically every pen in the place, and these were now jumping in all directions.

Science won, however—the biologists finally weeded out this agile strain and again the guinea pig groups can be distinguished with certainty. Which proves, among other things, that it isn’t always the fittest who survive.

• • •

Yarmouth, N.S., should, by all accounts, be one of the most luminous communities in Canada. A recent item

in the Yarmouth Light gravely recorded the presentation at a service club luncheon of a group of illuminated citizens. If any doubt of Yarmouth’s lustre remained, the Light informed its readers, in an adjoining column, that the community would enjoy “Two Full Moons” during the month.

• • •

Fergus, Ont., has long been famous as the home of rugged and fearless lacrosse players. Now, it appears, the fearlessness has spread to the editorial desk of the Fergus New Record, as

witness this recent item: “Miss C-

L---is enjoying a rip to Montreal and

• • •

Saint John, N.B., harbor ferry officials would be obliged if railway and bus ticket sellers in other parts of Canada would stop referring to the Digby boat, which carries passengers the 40 miles or so across the Bay of Fundy to Digby, N.S., as a “ferry.”

Arriving in Saint John from distant points and looking for the “ferry,” travellers invariably are directed to the harbor ferry, which crosses back and

forth, at 15-minute intervals, to West Saint John, a distance of about a quarter of a mile. More than one Digby-bound traveller has spent some time on the harbor ferry, probably thinking the five-cent fare was pretty cheap in these war days, before discovering his mistake. One old gentlemen spent a whole evening on the harbor ferry recently, unaware, because of the dark night, that he was not on his way across Fundy. He discovered his mistake when a deck hand informed him that they were going to tie up the boat for the night.

• • •

Overheard on an Edmonton bus:

A sweet young thing gushed to a second S.Y.T.—“You know I am a delegate to the Liberal nominating convention and can wear a red ribbon and sit in the front seats. I really should have a new hat to wear and have hunted all over town. But, my dear, they all seem just too, too conservative.” • • •

Somehow we sympathize: In a night class for general education in the Saint John Vocational School, N.B., are several adults learning to read and write.

One man said his mother often told him he would be sorry some day for playing hookey instead of going to school. “Well,” he told the teacher, “I have been sorry sometimes and I’m sorry now. But get this, as soon as I learn to read the funny papers I’m quitting.”

• • •

It happened in Windsor, Ont.—A citizen was involved in litigation. He hired a lawyer and in due time received an itemized bill. The last item read: “For thinking about your case off and on all day—$15.”

• • •

A Kamloops, B.C., duck hunter is learning—too late in his case—the military precept: “Fire and fall back.”

While shooting near Savona recently the Kamloops hunter . sighted two mallards flying overhead. He took aim at one and fired. Then he drew a bead on the second and was about to pull the trigger when he was bowled over and hurled to the ground by a falling body. It was his first duck come to earth.

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