August 1 1945



August 1 1945



FROM Kirkland Lake in the northern Ontario mining country our hard-rock scout sends a copy of a notice posted by a harassed landlord of that town. Here it is, verbatim:

1. Please take my notice don’t play the Radio to 10 o’clock a night.

2. When you play don’t play to loud.

3. When you have a party don’t keep longer till 12 o’clock a night.

4. Please sYiut your doors easy don’t hit it so hard with the doors mostly in the bathroom.

5. Wax your floors with wax every friday or Saturday we will land you the polishing machine.

6. An the morning don’t walk so heavy on the floor when family are sleeping.

7. When you ljiove your furniture don’t slid it on the floor mostly chair lift them off the floor and put them were you want.

8. Don’t light matches on the door or frame. All damage will go on your exspensive.

9. Don’t drive heavy nails for pictures, use small pins.

10. Don’t drive no nails in door or frame door if you need something ask the boss he will he glad to make for you what you want.

11. Rent should he paid on date, not a day or two after.

12. Please all family keep the hath Room clean don’t wait one to another clean it?

13. Don’t loose the door keys it cost, your money.

14. When you walk a stairs don’t jump take slow.

15. Every family must have anolium for kitchen floor.

16. Every family must give 30 days notice before move out of House.

17. All family in this House must be in Assessment support the Public school not Separate School, If not you Can’t live in this property.

• • •

Quite the hottest blast of the month comes smoking out of Chilliwack, B.C., on the wings of a fair west wind. Chilliwackians, in fact, are on the point of severing diplomatic relations with Toronto, all because of the answer given by that city’s Daily Star to an enquiring subscriber, as follows:

“According to 1941 census the population of Chilliwack is 3,618. There is no newspaper listed in Chilliwack

The editor of the Chilliwack Pro; gress (1944 winner of the Mason j Trophy for the best all-round weekly i paper in Canada) read that far, then

leaped for his typewriter with fingers hooked into claws.

“The Progress publisher and staff,” he pounded, “will be glad to loan their copies of McKim’s Directory of Canadian Publications, or Canadian Advertising, to the editor of The Star—as soon as we finish trying to find out where Toronto is.”

• • •

From Yorkton, Sask., we hear of the couple who were wakened at 6 a.m. from a sound sleep by the blaring of a radio. Still befogged, they decided the din was coming from a neighboring

suite, and phoned the landlord in protest.

You probably see this coming, but we’ll finish it anyway. The music, they discovered, was being supplied by their own radio, which they’d left on all

Our files are becoming overcrowded with nature notes, so we’ll cull an item that reached us by bamboo telegraph from Burma. It deals with Col. James E. (Elephant Bill) Williams and his Pachyderm Patrol. When the Japs swept into Burma they captured most of that country’s elephants, along with their mahouts, and when British forces set out to retake Burma, recovery of the huge work beasts was essential. So for three years Elephant Bill and his foresters operated far ahead of t he front lines, spiriting away an elephant whenever a Jap stooped to t ie a shoelace or paused to light a cigarette.

Today the British Fourteenth Army’s elephant brigade is up to scratch again, and most of the Burma Nips are down hobnobbing with the barb-tailed old gentleman of the same


Maybe it isn’t for us to cock a snoot at Shakespeare, but it must be admitted there were times when even the bard sang off the wrong page. “What’s in a name?” he once asked.

The stork column of The Victoria Daily Colonist comes up with a right smart answer:

“TWICE—To Mrs. Twice, West Saanich Road, Keating, twins.”

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