HUMOR

Wit and Wisdom

In Fewer Words

July 15 1946
HUMOR

Wit and Wisdom

In Fewer Words

July 15 1946

Wit and Wisdom

In Fewer Words

The Will of the Peepul—Philippine domocracy appears to be on a sound basis. The defeated candidate for the presidency says his opponent stole the election.—Toronto Daily Star. Still Elusive—A sociologist warns the time is near when 600,000 Canadian girls will be unable to find husbands. Let them take heart, however. If they were married it would be the same.—Sudbury Daily Star. Grin and Beret—A manufacturer fears a shortage of bobby pins. There’s something the gals won’t be able to put up with. — Guelph Mercury. Shades of Honest Abe—During a lecture by the famous Professor Harold Laski to a group of American

soldiers in London recently, the laugh of the evening came when a Kentucky voice drawled loudly: “I wouldn’t trade my shack in our mountains for life in any regimented state. I just want to be free and trap muskrats. Guess I’m an isolationist.” —Hamilton Spectator. Inflation—“Paris Bluebeard Sentenced to Die for 27 Murders.” Around here they get that for one murder.—North Bay Daily Nugget. The Spur—You can tell from the enthusiasm with which a man handles a spade whether his mind is filled with visions of vegetables or of fish.— Galt Daily Reporter. Point of Recognition—You can always tell the wise man—and what’s more, he’ll listen.—Brandon Daily Sun. All-change — The best way to settle it would be to give all the tenants new landlords and all the landlords new tenants.—Calgary Herald.

Laughing Matter

Ready, Aye Ready—A flotilla of motor launches had been trained for the job of patrol on the Rhine. Their training included a course of behavior toward the German population. At the conclusion of their course the men were inspected by the commander-inchief, coastal forces.

“You are sitting in a railway carriage in Germany,” he said to a rating. “You take out a packet of cigarettes. A German sitting opposite you offers you a light. What do you do?”

“I refuse it, sir,” said the rating.

“No,” said the C-in-C. “You are wrong. You ignore it.”

He turned to the next sailor.

“You are quartermaster on watch at night,” he said. “You are tied up to a wharf on the Rhine. You see a figure crawling toward the ship. What do you do?”

The man looked him straight in the eye, and with a flicker replied: “I

’elps the commanding officer aboard, sir.”—Calgary Albertan.

Wrong Number — Mother (to small daughter saying her prayers) — “A little louder, please. I can’t hear you.”

Daughter—“Yes, mother, but I’m not speaking to you.”—WellandPort Colborne Tribune.

Good for a Yawn—Patient: “Can you—ho hum—give me something— ho hum—for spring fever?” Physician: “There’s no such—ho hum— ailment—zzzzzz.”—Toronto Star.

Miaow — Jane—“How old are you?”

Mabel—“I just turned 23.”

Jane—“I get it. Thirty-two.”— Galt Reporter.

In Fewer Words — Professor’s daughter: “Circumstances compel

me to decline a marital arrangement with a man of such inferior pecuniary resources.”

Student Suitor: “I don’t get you.”

Professor’s Daughter: “That’s just what I’m telling you!” — Montreal Star.

Some Trick—At a naval training centre a pharmacist’s mate was preparing to fingerprint a recruit. “Wash your hands,” he instructed.

“Both of them?” queried the rookie.

The pharmacist’s mate hesitated. “No,” he said grimly. “Just one. I want to see how you do it.”—Windsor Star.

Cool Comeback—A Red Indian of considerable culture was engaged to play a part in a Hollywood film.

One day, while he was in the studio awaiting instructions, a film star approached him with the idea of showing a little consideration to “the poor savage.”

“Well,” he said kindly, “how do you like our city?”

“Very well, thank you,” replied the Red Indian, “how do you like our country?”—North Bay Nugget.