HUMOR

Parade

March 1 1947
HUMOR

Parade

March 1 1947

Parade

HUMOR

THERE’S an Air Commodore, retired, who has set up in business in a west coast community as local representative for a fire equipment firm, and a thoughtful reader sent us one of his newspaper advertisements.

After a diplomatic warning that even the town’s “superefficient fire service cannot replace immediate preventive action,” the ad urges that every house should have a fire extinguisher. “Don’t delay. Consult Air Commodore —, who will call immediately on request and advise.”

A second clipping from the same

newspaper was attached to the first —a brief item reporting a fire that completely destroyed a local cottage, one occupied by the Air Commodore.

• • •

A Montreal couple took their fiveyear-old son along on a trip to Niagara Falls for his first look at that tireless superspectacle. They trotted him up to the brink of the gorge, held him firmly on the balustrade for a good look and awaited his reaction.

The youngster stared long and silently, then declared: “I wanna

drink of water.”

• • •

Ideas are the lifeblood of the magazine business and the boys in the office come up with a good steady flow. So many, in fact, that it’s impossible to act on them all immediately -—and an idea left on the hook is apt to wither and die.

Plowing through an old Article Idea file the other day, one of our editors turned up a number of such skeletons. Completely baffling was one suggested title, “What’s Up?”— though it’s a good question for any editor to keep in mind. Under the miscellaneous section he found a slip bearing the single word, “Work,” and threw that one away with a grimace.

When we last saw him he was slumped in his chair, staring balefully at a third slip plucked from the file: “Appetite—why do we like

things to eat?”

• • •

When a prominent citizen of Red Deer, Alta., received his suit back from the cleaners complete with nonmatching vest, he raised just the kind of fuss you would if they’d sent your vest to somebody else. Didn’t do much good, though: investigation

located the man who did get the vest all right—but he’d been buried in it a couple of days before.

• • •

We don’t know whether the Moncton Transcript didn’t get its full slate elected at the last municipal balloting or just what, but several of its subscribers have drawn our attention to this rather unkind social noth: “Friends of Alderman Joe Blank will regret to learn that he is ill at home, suffering from an attack of influence.”

• • •

There’s a fellow in the attendance branch of the Nova Scotia Department of Education who brightens the routine tasks of compiling statistics by collecting the “please excuse Johnny” notes which parents write to teachers. We were privileged to look over, his album of rare items, recently, and you can take your pick — but don’t try them on any Nova Scotia teachers:

“This child has a cold road to come over and always drifts in.” “My boy has to leave for school in the dark and he comes home just as much in the dark.”

“He has a blood vessel that explodes by times.”

“My husband is now in hospital and I am able to carry on as before.” “I promised her that if she’d work at home all summer she could have her holidays by going to work in a factory when school opened.”

“The whole four girls got lousy and it cost us $5 to get rid of them.” And there was finality in one excuse which, after alibiing Johnny’s current absence, concluded, “He may attend in the hereafter.”

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