PARADE

PARADE

THE GRIN AND BARE IT SECTION

August 1 1949
PARADE

PARADE

THE GRIN AND BARE IT SECTION

August 1 1949

PARADE

THE GRIN AND BARE IT SECTION

ST. JOHNS, QUE., has a new police chief who obviously intends to stand for no nonsense on the part of mere persons afoot. Anyway, it was formally announced in the St. Johns News that the chief had asked “all the population of this

city to co-operate with the Police Department by observing all the traffic bylaws, as follows:

“1. To drive in a dangerous manner.

“2. To speed on the streets.

“3. To fail to stop at the red lights.

“4. To fail to make regulation stops at street corners.”

That’ll put those pedestrians in their place—six feet down.

• • •

A Toronto mother leading her fouryear-old son into the ladies’ waiting room of a local department store was surprised to hear him remark, “Oh, Mummy, let’s go pat that nice doggy”—for she knew dogs weren’t allowed in the store. Then she hurried to pull him back as she saw him make for a nicely dressed old lady having a rest in a comfortable chair—but she didn’t get there before he had reached her and started to pat the red fox fur piece, complete with head, around her neck.

Mamma was just starting to stammer an apology when the little old lady, apparently a bit nearsighted, reached out, herself, and patted the fur parka which the little boy was wearing on this chilly spring day, exclaiming, “Nice doggy!”

• • •

The Manitoba Museum in Winnipeg is the last place in the world you might expect ghosts. Despite its solid, scientific atmosphere, however, it became more and more apparent during the past season that some mysterious force was at work —label cards within the glas? show cases were constantly being found out of place though the showcases are always kept locked. About the time guides were beginning to look over their shoulders in empty rooms an executive meeting of the governing authorities was called to get to the bottom of the matter. One member after another of the staff was paraded, but could cast no light on the mystery until the janitor was heard from. A man who took great pride in his work and in the museum, he insisted that he never interfered with the exhibits at all except to keep the glass cases well polished and free of small finger and nose prints.

“How about a demonstration?” demanded one of the investigators with just suspicion—and sure enough, it was shown before their own eyes that when the overzealous janitor polished away at the glass cases, static electricity played hob with the small squares of cardboard on the shelves within.

• • •

A sudden flood caused a washout on a Saskatchewan railway line a few weeks ago. At one small point along the line, at which several rural mail carriers normally converged to sling their bags of mail aboard the train for Regina, the stationmaster advised the mailmen that the train would likely be three hours late, but to keep within hailing distance just in case. The rural route mailmen took it in good part and somehow whiled away the three hours, which grew to five, then six, then 10. One happy philosopher among them retired thoughtfully to a nearby hotel, from which he would emerge every half hour or so, smacking his lips and straining his eyes toward the west for sight of the expected train.

The train finally came, but not until late that night. Down the path from the hotel rolled the patient mail

carrier, staggering somewhat under the load he carried—not all of it in the canvas bag over his shoulder. As he came puffing up the platform to the open door of the mail car and heaved his bag aboard he shook his head and exclaimed passionately to the clerk on the train, “By golly! —I’m sorry I’m late, boss!”

Parade pays $5 to $10 for true, humorous anecdotes reflecting the current Canadian scene. ¡So contributions can be returned. Address Parade, c/o Maclean's Magazine, 481 University Ave., Toronto.