WIT AND WISDOM

WIT AND WISDOM

March 15 1952
WIT AND WISDOM

WIT AND WISDOM

March 15 1952

WIT AND WISDOM

No Problem—Experts are trying to figure a way to relieve prison congestion. Just give any convict an auto and a half-hour’s start.— Saskatoon Star-Phoenix.

Boring Too—Patient: “Five dollars is an awful lot of money for pulling a tooth—two seconds’ work.”

Dentist: “Well, I can pull it very slowly.” Stratford BeaconHerald.

Straight Deductible Father wonders why he can’t deduct the grocery bill from income tax as a charity, since it all goes to his family, a non-profit organization.—Victoria Colonist.

Rear Rumbling The rumble seat has disappeared from today’s car; but the grumble seat, occupied by the backseat driver, is still with us.—Toronto Star.

Today I t’s the Moon The Aztec emperors took a public oath each year to keep the sun on its course. That may have been the beginning of the election promise.—Port Arthur News-Chron icle.

Budget Blues—The biggest problem that today’s housewife has to face is having too much month left at the end of her money.—Crestón (B.C.) Review.

Who Invented Nero?—Nero was quite a guy. He fiddled while Rome burned long before the fiddle had been invented by the Russians.— Kingston Whig-Standard.

The Nifty Nightingale—A columnist says he isn’t so interested in seeing that New York baby who whistled the day he was born. But he would like to see his nurse.—Vancouver Daily Province.

Even the Grins Were Crooked —Four card sharps got together on a train and in the middle of a hand the dealer tossed his cards down and said, “This game is crooked. That guy ain’t playing the hand I dealt.”

Golden (B.C.) Star.

They Just Fade Away Two Hollywood producers decided on regular armies of extras for a war epic five thousand men on one side and four thousand on the other.

“Colossal, Charley!” said the first producer. “Nine thousand men and when the shooting is finished they all have to he paid off. How about that?”

“A cinch,” said Charley. “In the last battle scene, real bullets.” Norwood (Ont.) Register.

How Much For a Tongue? “Fancy a woman getting a thousand dollars for loss of a thumb,” said Mrs. Brown at the dinner table.

“Maybe,” said Brown, “it was the one she kept her husband under.” The Albertan, Calgary.

Man For the Job Husband: I can’t sleep nights for this danged tooth.

Wife: Why don’t you get a job as a night watchman? Evening Review, Niagara Falls.