PARADE

January 1 1954

PARADE

January 1 1954

PARAE

A JUNIOR Sunday school in Lakefield, Ont., had a project with Plasticine one morning to construct objects mentioned in the Bible. One six-year-old built a wonderful model of Noah’s ark, complete with television aerial.

A young mother in Burlington, Ont., has solved the problem of between-meal handouts which neigh-

bors kept giving her three-year-old daughter. Now the little girl goes around with a cloth sign pinned to her reading, Please Do Not Peed Me.

A young London, Ont., milkman who has carefully trained his horse to move along when whistled at got into trouble recently. On his route he whistled, and a pretty blonde passing by turned and slapped him smartly across the face.

• • •

An open letter to the Minister of Justice penned by an inmate of the federal penitentiary at St. Vincent de Paul, Que., appeared recently in the jail’s magazine, Pen O Rama.

“With my bare face hanging out,” he wrote, “I admit that I am guilty of the charge to which I pleaded not guilty and which I was convicted of. My lawyer defended me so eloquently that it is a wonder he did not come to the penitentiary with me. That’s not so important however, as we have enough lawyers here without him.

“Since having been here I have made the rounds, talked over this and that with these and those, and to my horror and amazement discovered that, aside from me, everyone here is innocent. Each one has convinced me beyond dispute that he was framed, illegally convicted, or just a plain victim of circumstances. Imagine my embarrassment, sir, to learn that I, alone, of all who reside here, am guilty.

“In view of the fact that all here, with the exception of myself, are innocent of wrongdoing, and considering that it would be utterly impossible to release all of these innocents at one fell swoop, I would most patriotically volunteer to be released myself so that I would not be the means of corrupting these innocents.”

A Hull, Que., recorder was interrogating two men charged in a cartruck accident.

“Why didn’t you tell your companion he was about to crash into the rear of the truck?”

“I couldn’t see the truck,” one of the men replied. “I was drinking a bottle of beer at the time.”

“And what about your friend, the driver? I suppose he was drinking a bottle of beer too?”

“Oh no,sir. He had a bottle of rye.”

• • •

The public school at Hope Bay on Pender Island in British Columbia has a new fence built t>y a bachelor called Swede. It’s a perfectly sound fence, made of wire and timber, with a wide gate, but halfway along one side, Swede cut a good-sized hole in it. The school trustee asked why?

Swede said, “I know kids. You put in a gate and they climb over the fence. This way, they all go through the hole and the fence lasts longer.”

• • •

When the Naval Officers’ Association in Winnipeg decided to hold a ball recently, the executive thought the word “formal” on the ticket

might discourage some of the husbands. But they sent the tickets out anyway and followed them up a few days later with a note to all the wives. It read, “Your husband was sent tickets for the Naval Officers’ Ball. Has he told you about it yet?”

The turnout was magnificent.

• • •

A Vancouver motorist drew up at a stop light and felt a bone-rattling jar as a woman driver behind banged her car into his. To be on the safe side, he let her get in front as they moved down the next block but, at the next stop light, through an error in gearshifting, she roared into reverse and banged him from the front. He then got out, walked to her car, took her keys, and handed them to a curb policeman. “Woman isn’t fit to drive,” he said, tersely, and then drove ofT.

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