PARADE

PARADE

February 1 1954
PARADE

PARADE

February 1 1954

PARADE

IN VANCOUVER police rushed to the scene when a report came in that a man had broken into a car and was trying to steal it. The car was in a lane: a cruiser closed off one end, another the other. They waited. Nothing happened. The police moved in fearlessly and found the thief fumbling with the controls of the car.

“What are you doing in that car?” they demanded.

“I’m takin’ thish car to go home in but I can’t sheem to get it shtarted,” he muttered.

One of the policemen decided to check on the car before they hauled the drunk away. He lifted the hood, and was greeted with a fine view of the ground. The car had no engine. • • •

A woman in Saskatoon had a new gas furnace installed hut when she turned the thermostat up nothing happened. She went down to the basement, snapped on the light, and found the furnace blasting away. Puzzled, she went hack upstairs but the deep freeze continued. Eventually she called in the gas company. They discovered that the fitter had connected the furnace to the nearby basement light switch rather than to the thermostat. Every time she turned on the basement light to go down and have a look at the furnace it clicked on, and when she economically shut the light off the furnace went off.

When a fire broke out on HMCS Ontario at Esquimalt, B.C., local firemen answered the alarm. As a fireman rushed up one of the gangplanks he was stopped by a naval officer. “Excuse me,” he said, “hut would you mind using the other

gangplank? This one is for officers only.” The startled fireman hacked down, then raced up the other gangplank. The small fire (in a broom locker) was extinguished without incident.

• • •

A Queliec woman, filling out an accident report after denting the fender of a car while trying to park her own, blithely answered the question, “What could the operator of the other vehicle have done to avoid the accident?” Her reply was: “He could have parked elsewhere.” A grocer in a northern Alberta town posted an eye-catching notice in his store headed, NEWS OF DELINQUENT DEBTORS. This was followed by a list of names, each carefully put into proper place under such appropriate headings as “$25 to $50,” or “$75 to $100.” In case anyone felt left out he added: TO BE CONTINUED. BE SURE TO WATCH FOR NEXT WEEK’S THRILLING EPISODE!

• • •

A Toronto man complained to police that although he had not been hurt when his car crashed into a pole

two solicitous spectators insisted on applying first aid, pulled him out of the vehicle and twisted his arm to make him lie down on the cold pavement to receive their “treatment.”

An alert traffic cop and a woman were observed moving toward a double - parked automobile in Victoria. The officer arrived just as the breathless woman triumphantly jumped into the car and grabbed the steering wheel. In her confusion however she had opened the wrong door and the constable found her in the steering position while leaning over from the hack seat. He gallantly allowed her to climb info the front seat and drive off with a warning.

• • •

A long distance telephone operator in Toronto was handling a call from California. As sometimes happens, the California operator was not sure she had a completed circuit and asked, “Would you identify yourself, please.” The Toronto girl, who had been on the job only a short time, replied: “Oh, you wouldn’t know me I’m new here. I only arrived from Scotland a few weeks ago.”

• • •

A fussy thief who stole two prize bronze begonias out of a Vancouver garden returned the following night and exchanged t hem for two equally choice red ones.

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