PARADE

PARADE

February 15 1954
PARADE

PARADE

February 15 1954

PARADE

MODERN pay-cheques which include two equally impressive sections, one to show deductions and the other to be cashed, got a man into trouble in Victoria when he drove up to a gas station and negotiated an eighty-buck cheque with the owner. When the gas station realized they had cashed the half showing deductions they called in police, but the man returned a short time later to correct the error himself.

• • •

Toronto’s Mount Pleasant Cemetery is a huge tract where the various areas are lettered from A to Z to make it easier to find the way. A little lady who approached a workman one afternoon asked if he knew the way to the late Prime Minister Mackenzie King’s grave. The workman paused for a moment, then remembering where the distinguished statesman was buried he said: “Well, madam, if you’ll just go to L . . .” The astounded woman drew herself to her full four feet eight inches, Hashed her eyes at him, and stalked off with the single comment: “Tory!”

• • •

One of a Pickering, Ont., farmer’s two horses was sick. The farmer had hope for its recovery until the animal got out of the barn and down to the creek where it broke through the ice: when he found it firmly wedged in the ice he realized there was nothing to do but shoot the suffering beast, so he phoned an acquaintance and asked him to come over and shoot the animal for him. He saw the man arrive but decided to let him finish

the business alone. Shortly after he heard a shot, and in a few minutes there was a knock on the door.

“It didn’t take you very long,” the farmer said as he opened the door.

“Why should it?” the man replied innocently. “I just walked out to the barn and shot it in the stall.”

• • •

A cash register, stolen from the Seminole Tavern in Windsor, Ont., was returned by the thief who signed himself “The Angel.” Attached was a note which said: “Sorry, but we

could not sell your cash register for our price so thought we would give it back.”

Two men stopped opposite a fulllength mirror which adorns the entrance to a Dundas Street cocktail bar in London, Ont. Both of them removed their hats, faced the glass, and bent from the waist, each looking upward toward the mirror. After a moment they straightened up, solemnly replaced their hats, and

one took his billfold from his pocket. “You win Jack,” he said. “My bald spot is certainly bigger’n yours.”

A teacher in Alberni, B.C., received a new student complete with a note from his mother explaining that he was a sensitive child, particularly where punishment was concerned. “It is not really necessary to chastise him,” the note said. “It would be better to give the boy in the next seat a good slap and so frighten him.”

• • •

The following item appeared in the Summerland (B.C.) Review:

Brake failure Friday afternoon was the cause of a minor accident when a car being parked in front of the Bank of Montreal crashed through the lattice fence at the side of the bank. Occupants of the car, the driver and her infant son, escaped injury.

Name of the driver is not being revealed.

The Review normally is incorruptible and scrupulously impartial in the manner in which incidents of this sort are reported but the lady involved has found its Achilles’ heel.

She is the wife of one of the printers at the Review and threatened to leave town and take her husband with her if her name appeared in the paper in connection with the accident. There are only two printers at the Review, Mev Wells and Tom McKay, and printers are not so easy to get these days so her insistence that her name not appear in the paper must be met.

Mrs. McKay does not drive a car.

Parade pays $5 to $10 for true, humorous anecdotes reflecting the current Canadian scene. No contributions can be returned. Address Parade, c/o Maclean's Magazine, 481 University Ave., Toronto.