PARADE

PARADE

July 15 1954
PARADE

PARADE

July 15 1954

PARADE

FROM this vantage point, summer seems to be off to a wonderful start. When a Port Arthur girl’s fiance was involved in a two-car collision she denied that he could have gone through a stop signal, “because he was kissing me on the red light.” An energetic householder in Waterloo, Ont., excavating for a new septic tank, hacked his way through seven feet of soil and tangled t ree roots, pausing only when a Bell Telephone crew arrived to find why an underground cable had gone dead leaving 28 of his neighbors speechless. In Edmonton an optimistic restaurant operator advertised for a “fully equipped waitress,” though we don’t know if he found her. After a diningroom window in her Nova Scotia horne seemed suddenly to explode a Maritime housewife discovered a sporty new centrepiece arranged in her best salad bowl on the buffet a handsome brown partridge with a broken neck. And in Preston, Ont., where many folks find new zest in taking the waters, a drunk knocked at t he door of a Shantz Hill resident.

and asked that police be requested to come and pick him up, along with his equally inebriated friend. The resident complied and so did police.

The trouble with righteous indignation is that it so easily backfires. That’s what happened to the householder in the East York section of Metropolitan Toronto who demanded that police pounce on the thoughtless car parkers who were always blocking his driveway. The traffic squad car patrolled the street so persistently that the very next night the complainant came home for supper to find the whole street clear, including his driveway. He didn’t bother to put his car in just then, though, having an evening engagement; and went out after dinner to find a ticket on his own car, parked right in front of his own house, on the wrong side of the street.

The Medicine Hat woman who saw this happen at her own front door had been trying and trying to get a plumber for a minor repair job, before the man finally arrived one morning at 9 a.m. Her cheery beam of welcome widened to a gape as she saw a dignified matron alight from the

truck and follow the plumber up the walk. The stranger’s eyes only narrowed when she became aware of the amazement she was causing and her jaw stuck out more determinedly than ever as she burst out, “I’ve been trying to get this man to put up a stove for me for days, so this morning I went around to his shop and climbed into his truck and I intend to stay right with him until he comes to my place and does the job.”

And by the look on the plumber’s face he knew he was licked.

A Vancouver woman has a squirrel neckpiece with which she’s very pleased except that one tail has been broken off. Setting out on a tour of furriers to seek a replacement she was so discouraged to find no available tail tips of matching size and shape that she plunged into a crowded bakeshop to smother her sorrow in a chocolate eclair. Here she was almost bowled over by another woman making her way out of the store, who knocked her hat askew and almost tore the squirrels right off her neck. It wasn’t until our shopper finally boarded a homebound bus, settled her parcels on the seat and pulled her neckpiece properly back into place that she discovered with disbelief that one of her squirrels held in its mouth a perfectly matching tail tip, apparently snagged from a neckpiece worn by the female bulldozer in the bakery.

Our collection of rare and useful signs now includes a tourist greeting from Belleville, Ont., WORMS TURN LEFT AT NEXT CORNER, and a highway warning outside Arborfield, Sask. DRIVE SLOWLY AND HELP US PROTECT OUR LITTLE TAX DEDUCTIONS. And then there’s one that almost got away (an embarrassed window dresser was snatching it from view even as our Vancouver Parade scout spotted it) WOMEN’S SHOES SPECIAL . . . GOOD FOR STREET WALKING.

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