TV commercials I’d be apt to write (I'm a hot-tempered guy)

PARKE CUMMINGS January 3 1959

TV commercials I’d be apt to write (I'm a hot-tempered guy)

PARKE CUMMINGS January 3 1959

TV commercials I’d be apt to write (I'm a hot-tempered guy)

PARKE CUMMINGS

“Oh-oh, look at this. The kids have raided the ice box and spilled half a jar of chocolate syrup on your clean kitchen floor. But don’t worry—you know what to do. mother, don't you? It will only take a jiffy to knock these brats’ heads together, send them off to bed without any supper and teach ’em a darn good lesson.”

“Nerves frayed to the breaking point because drivers keep cutting in and out on you in heavy traffic? Well, this is no time to sit back and light a cigarette. Get into action and bash a few fenders in! Plow right into the next road-hog you

see—you’ll feel better. What are you anyhow, a man or a mouse?”

“Splitting headache because those teen-age kids have been playing jive records for two hours with the volume turned up full blast? There’s no longer any need to suffer the agonies of a headache. Just go into the playroom, grab every one of those records and smash ’em! Don’t let them kid you that they’re unbreakable. An axe will do it.”

“Oh dear! Your best party dress has just come back from the cleaners and Rex jumps up on you

with his muddy paws. Be smart, lady. Take a good long look at Rex, consider all the food he’s consumed, and the furniture and clothes he’s ruined ever since he was a pup, and then do what more and more people are doing every day. Send him to the dog pound.”

“Need extra money to pay those back bills and taxes? Well, don’t go making a loan. Handle it the modern way. Sit down and write a good stifi letter to your paper complaining about the high cost of living. You’ll feel better almost instantly.”