Free enterprise isn't always so free, as a Haligonian found out after he was fired from the Nova Scotia Liquor Commission and decided to offer his former employer a little competition. Fine: a hundred dollars—for keeping a still.
After watching a motorist try in vain to ascend an icy hill in the Gatineau district of Quebec, a big heavy-shouldered farm lad ambled over and advised, “Mister. open your trunk.” Puzzled but desperate the motorist did so. the big young fellow crammed himself into the trunk and shouted, “O.K.—try ’er now!” And away the ballasted car went up the hill.
Postage on the parcel the Vancouver man shoved across the post-office counter came to thirty-four cents, and when he tendered a dollar bill the clerk asked if the man had four cents because he was short of pennies. The customer didn’t have any pennies either but said he had a four-cent stamp. “I'm sorry,” apologized the clerk. “But the post office cannot accept stamps.”
In a peewee hockey game at Camp Shilo, Man., a daredevil forward on one team skated rings around the opposition, scoring repeatedly. It seemed as though nothing the other team could do could stop him. Then, just as he began another drive down the ice, he was stopped by a blast on the whistle. But even the referee
was dumbfounded — until he discovered a member of the opposing team had produced his own whistle and stopped the game.
* * *
Edmonton’s new city hall has won international fame not merely for its modern architecture but also for its fountain, a piece of modernistic sculpture said to depict wild geese in flight. The wags called the swaying fronds of bent pipe a plumber's paradise, a jungle gym and “the Spaghetti Tree,” but evidently they have decided to accept the work of art for what the sculptor intended it to be. Recently a large sign appeared in front of the fountain warning, “Do not feed the birds.”
We've heard about a news-making rummage sale at a church in a village north of Montreal, where none of the ladies had her hat or her bag or her coat sold in error. It was one of the Sunday
school's collection plates that went missing — purchased by some unidentified customer as a fruit bowl.
* * *
There’s a thrice-weekly local train that provides a relaxed sort of milk run between a couple of western Ontario communities we won't name. It never seems to be in much of a hurry, but one of its more frequent passengers was a bit puzzled to find it barely crawling along at a point deep in the woods in the middle of nowhere. The passenger strained to peer out the window, wondering if cows were on the track, when suddenly a man in fireman’s garb burst from the trees and raced to catch the mixed train’s caboose. He wore a look of triumph and under each arm he carried a gigantic white puffball. He was still breathing heavily but beaming happily a moment later as he made his way up the aisle, back to his cab.
* * *
Commissionaires hand out parking tickets in Saskatoon, and when a goodnatured citizen saw one marching down a row of parking meters, and simultaneously noticed the red flag flying beside a nearby car, he popped a penny of his own into the meter to save some poor chap a dollar fine. The commissionaire, lucky chap, climbed into the car and
drove off, not knowing how close he'd come to having to give himself a ticket.
* * *
For poor sleepers we've received a
helpful hint from a man in Rexdale.
Ont. When he wants to be sure of a good night’s sleep he takes two tranquilizers. He takes two out of the bottle, that is. downs one and feeds the other one to the family dog.
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