Sweet & Sour

EXPOSING THE SCIENTISTS — OR, THINGS ANY TOOL CAN SEE

Stuart Trueman December 3 1960
Sweet & Sour

EXPOSING THE SCIENTISTS — OR, THINGS ANY TOOL CAN SEE

Stuart Trueman December 3 1960

EXPOSING THE SCIENTISTS — OR, THINGS ANY TOOL CAN SEE

Sweet & Sour

A great deal is being written about nuclear research teams and their "dramatic new discoveries" concerning the secrets of the cause and prevention of fruit and vegetable spoilage. This is, of course, pure rot. We love to be hoodwinked by high-sounding scientific talk.

Why, for instance, do bananas spoil? Because they weren’t eaten in time. Someone left the bag on the pantry floor and thought until too late it was onions.

Here are some other equally obvious answers to some of the so-called mysteries of science:

Q. What causes rain? A. Water falling down.

Q. And clouds? A. Water staying up.

Q. Smoke? A. Don't mind if I do. Oh — sorry. Fires.

Q. Why does the earth revolve around the sun?

A. It has to. How else can the Australians get daylight?

Q. What is the reason for shadows?

A. People standing in front of the light.

Q. Why does water run downhill? A. To get to the bottom.

Q. What is the chief cause of highway accidents?

A. They are caused by the high accident rate. If we didn’t have a high accident rate, we wouldn’t have so many accidents. I can see you look baffled. I don’t blame you. It’s rare these days for a man to think for himself; all of us have been hypnotized by the scientists. Have a ripe banana?

Stuart Trueman