Prizes include memos leaked by the RCMP plus preferred shares in a duty-free shop

Prizes include memos leaked by the RCMP plus preferred shares in a duty-free shop

Allan Fotheringham June 14 1976
Prizes include memos leaked by the RCMP plus preferred shares in a duty-free shop

Prizes include memos leaked by the RCMP plus preferred shares in a duty-free shop

Allan Fotheringham June 14 1976

Prizes include memos leaked by the RCMP plus preferred shares in a duty-free shop

Allan Fotheringham

It being spring, and the blood flowing, time for the first annual Canadian Current Events Whiz Quiz. Entries are restricted one to a customer. Marks will be awarded for neatness.

1. Would you feel safe sending James Richardson to the corner store to buy (a) a Piper Cub? (b) a tricycle? (c) a cup of sugar? Choose one.

2. Please tell us what religion you plan to join, now that the Protestants and Catholics in Northern Ireland are demonstrating Christianity.

3. Outline, in 100 words or less, the basic philosophical position of Eugene Whelan. Words of two syllables would be preferred.

4. A queen from a foreign country is to open the Montreal Olympics in July. Does this indicate there are no Canadians capable of the job? Who do you think would be most appropriate: (a) Dave Schultz? (b) Jack Webster? (c) Jack Horner?

5. Do you feel there would be a market for an LP of the collected speeches of Bud Drury? If not, why not?

6. The final game of the 1975-76 season of that winter sport—hockey—between the Winnipeg Jets and Houston Aeros came on May 27. The first game of the 1976-77 season of that autumn sport—football— the CFL all-star contest, came on May 29. Does this indicate (a) Canadian love of sport? (b) greed? (c) a major cause of Canadian divorce?

7. Do you think that Joe Clark suffers from a charisma bypass? Expand if you wish.

8. Name three people who have not been offered bribes by Lockheed Aircraft.

9. You are the retiring treasurer of a parent-teacher association and have $27.89 left in the kitty. Which of the following would you feel most safe in recommending as your successor? (a) Jean Drapeau? (b) James Richardson? (c) Dave Barrett?

10. Outline three major quotes of Mitchell Sharp’s political career that you feel are destined for Bartlett’s.

11. You, as a female, are the winner of a major TV quiz show. First prize is your choice of a companion for an all-expenses paid trip to a small Tahitian island. Who would you choose: (a) Ron Basford? (b) Otto Lang? (c) Clarence Campbell? Give reasons.

12. A special prize will go to the entry that correctly tells us whatever became of Bob Stanbury.

13. Can you tell the difference between David Lewis and Stephen Lewis?

14. How?

15. Do you feel the Calgary airport would have any right to ban the Concorde because of noise, when it already has experienced Eldon Woolliams?

16. You are the original architect chosen to build the pyramids. Who would you select as general foreman for the project? (a) Jean Drapeau? (b) John Bassett Jr.? (c) James Richardson?

17. If you were a Quebecjudge, would you get an unlisted phone number? If not, why not?

18. Who would you wish as your defense lawyer in a murder trial: (a) Clarence Campbell? (b) F. Lee Bailey? (c) Maureen McTeer?

19. Pierre Trudeau has testified that one of his sons is “audible but not intelligible.” Please name three Liberal cabinet ministers to whom the same description could be applied.

20. Outline three basic political ideas of (a) Jimmy Carter, (b) Joe Clark, (c) Aimée Semple McPherson.

21. Could you sketch out for us the basic reaction of Bud McDougald of Argus Corp. to Premier Ed Schreyer’s new proposal that the pay of the president of any company be no more than 2Vi times that of the firm’s lowest-paid employee. Be polite.

22. If you had your choice, who would you least like to be trapped in a lifeboat with? (a) Alan Eagleson? (b) Senator Keith Davey? (c) Johnny Esaw? Take your time with your answer.

23. Give, with some detail, the exact circumstances of the latest date in history on which Hugh Faulkner was seen smiling.

24. Do you feel there is any truth to the rumor that the 1978 NDP leadership convention will be contested by Ed Broadbent, Ed Schreyer—and Paul Hellyer?

25. Name, individually, the 147 people you would like to see on the next jet hijacked to Kuwait.

26. Tou, as hostess, are arranging abridge foursome. The names drawn out of a hat are Pierre Trudeau, John Turner, Simon Reisman and Paul Hellyer. How would you arrange the seating? (Use diagrams if necessary.)

27. Outline the ways in which the Tories, now leading in all the popularity polls, will manage to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory before the next election.

28. Name three (a) matrons (b) boardrooms (c) backbenchers who are not lusting after the blue eyes of John Turner.

29. Do you feel there would be all this trouble in Ottawa if Joe Clark were alive?

30. There have been suggestions that Alan Eagleson’s finger be bronzed. Hands up all those who suggest the rest of his body be included in the dip.

31. You are in charge of a committee attempting to set a world mark for emptying a hall in record time. Who would you book as a speaker? (a) Bob Stanfield? (b) Mitchell Sharp? (c) Red Kelly?

32. How would you explain the obsession of Toronto newspaper picture editors with the CN Tower? (a) Toronto’s lack of scenery? (b) Toronto’s lust for achievement? (c) penis envy?

33. Do you think Maureen McTeer would make a good prime minister? Expand if you wish.

34. If Ed Broadbent walked down the centre of Yonge Street in Toronto would anyone know it?

35. The Prime Minister has kept vacant 14 seats in the senate, obviously in wait for deserving Liberal hacks. Who do you think would be more fitting recipients: Dave Schultz? Danny Finkleman? Toller Cranston? John Turner? Irving Layton? Gordon Sinclair? Elwood Glover? Elwy Yost? Jack Austin?

36. Whatever happened to: (a) Bernie Braden? (b) The Happy Gang? (c) Joe Clark?