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Anthony Wilson-Smith April 24 2000
Overture

Overture

Anthony Wilson-Smith April 24 2000

Overture

Anthony Wilson-Smith

Shanda Deziel

@macleans.ca

It Takes a Village (People)

A straight road to gay stardom

Members of The Village People never tire of singing their hit songs, YMCA, In the Navy, Macho Man and Go West, but they do get sick of questions about their sexual orientation. “It’s been 20 years of the same questions,” says David Hodo, the construction worker. “Our sexual orientation is the least interesting thing about us.” Some may disagree. Of the original members only one, Felipe Rose (the Puerto Rican Indian), was openly gay: others kept their heterosexuality in the closet. Victor Willis, onetime lead singer and policeman figure, fathered five children out of wedlock and was jailed for rape. Now, three original members—Hodo, Rose and Alexander Briley (the soldier)—and three longtime replacements—Raymond Simpson (the policeman), Jeff Olson (the cowboy) and Eric Anzalone (the biker)—tour full time and are working on original material. On April 29, they will perform in Toronto at Fashion Cares, a fashion show and charity banquet for the AIDS Committee of Toronto, along with Canada’s Deborah Cox, and Lara Fabian and hip-hop artist, Li’l Kim {www.fashioncares.com).

Over and Under Achievers

Next: the PM bombs (in) Iraq!

Scoops: PM’s unique peace plan! Hockey’s phoney war! Hollywood kings and queens!

^Stock market: Tanking.

But at least cabbies stop giving stock tips.

^Toronto, Ottawa hockey writers:

Slag each other to hype Leafs-Senators playoff series. Not to worry: rest of country detests both cities.

^Charlton Heston: Aging Moses lectures Canadians on evils of gun control. Saaay, Chuck, have ya tried parking those tablets here7 . . .

^Allegedly outed ex-film stars Burt Lancaster, Greta Garbo and Richard Burton. New

suggestions that each had gay leanings. All together, now:

“Not that there's anything wrong with that. "

^kjean Chrétien: Four gaffes in four-days in Middle East make for rare unity: Israelis, Palestinians and Syrians are all ticked off! !

^0>Joe Clark: PM’s performance equals his infamous Lost Luggage ’70s foray to same area. But defections to Canadian Alliance may make Clark first leader to have his party resign from him.

^Tom Long: Alliance hopeful tops media buzz. Next, we trash him for {invent reason here) ! !

Hip Checks

‘\bu dirty ditchl’

Tired of turning the air blue with your vocabulary every time things go wrong ? Cuss Control: The Complete Book on How to Curb Your Cursing, by James V O’Connor offers creative alternatives. If you don’t know the offending word or phrases replaced in these examples, don't ask:

Option 1: word replacement

“He has (bricks) for brains.”

“She doesn’t know (granola) from Shinola.”

Option 2: rephrasing

Instead of: “It’s not my #@!&* job.” Use: “I wasn’t involved in that.”

Instead of: “No *%&$#@ way.”

Use: “I’m not certain that is feasible.”

Once over

Burst pipes and cottage gripes

If you’re about to reopen your cottage, and not sure what you’ll find—or should look for—

Mike Laws of Ensure Home and Cottage Inspections in Bracebridge, Ont., offers these essentials for start-of season cottage opening:

Check places where water drains: the basement, flashing around chimney and plumbing vent stacks. Check if mice or vermin damaged electrical wiring. Squirrels and raccoons make their home in floor insulation. Have

a plumber there in case of a burst pipe: otherwise, it could be five days before a plumber is available. A lot of cottages pull water from the lake: check the in| take valve to ensure it’s I clear of debris. The sewage system depends on use. If you have a party of 10 every weekend, you need your septic tank pumped yearly. But if you have a couple of children and a septic tank no more than 25 years old, once every three years should do. Run water: if you get backup or gurgling, it may need pumping, or the field where everything is drained may be clogged with roots, trees and shrubs. Do caulking, painting and staining at the start of the season: work in the fall may be ruined by temperature change.

Overbites

“ We don’t do this for the veterans with the medals. We do this for those young friends of ours who also earned medals, but never lived to wear them.”

-Second World War veteran Barney Danson launches campaign to rebuild and expand National War Museum

“We are excited and confident, whether or not we are in line with some expectations.”

-James Balsillie, co-CEO of Waterloo Ont.-based Research in Motion Ltd., after company’s value fell $3.6 billion and 44 per cent in a day

“It seems funny to me How things can be Every time I get ahead I feel more dead.”

-Lyrics for Dead by heavy metal band Korn. Due to packaging error, Celine Dion fans received Korn’s disc last week in place of her new CD, All the Way... A Decade of Song

Health check

Sick and tired... of our medicare

Talk about Blame Canada: Americans in the northern United States have been bombarded since late March with scary-sounding radio and TV ads that paint Canada’s health-care system as a patient’s nightmare. The TV version shows an anxious older woman riding a bus along a lonely road, a refugee from Canadian medicare. “We’ve all heard of seniors going to Canada for their medicines,” an announcer intones. “But have you heard about

seniors who come from Canada to the U.S.?” Why is she going south for treatment? “Because Canadians say

their government-controlled health system is in crisis. Yet some politicians want to import Canada’s government controls to America. Help Congress say ‘No thanks.’ ”

The ad is the work of Citizens for Better Medicare, a coalition that includes the trade association representing the big U.S. drugmakers. High prices south of the border for prescription drugs (often double the Canadian) are a hot political issue. Even some Republicans are calling for lower prices, and drug companies are feeling the heat. The coalition won’t confirm it, but sources say the campaign cost is a cool $1 million (U.S.).

Andrew Phillips