You’re 40 and don’t have a boy toy like Ashton. Or you’ve had two kids and can’t fit into an Uma-like yellow leather suit. Or, for some reason, MTV doesn’t want to document your first year of marital bliss. If you don’t see yourself in any of today’s sex symbols, we offer a few pop stars, actresses and fictional characters who are a bit more realistic.
■ Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, 18, have a huge following despite being much older and living surreal lives (they are every man’s twin fantasy; one has an eating disorder).
■ Also big is Hilary Duff, a 16-year-old dating a 25-year-old rocker.
■ Cartoon character Lisa Simpson, 8, remains the most true-to-life portrait of a pre-adolescent girl.
■ Despite a bit of midriff-baring, Amanda Bynes ( What I Like About You, The Amanda Show), 18, eschews sexy for smart and goofy.
■ Twentysomething pop stars Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera give off a naughty vibe, while preacher’s-daughter-turned-sexed-upnewlywed Jessica Simpson plays virgin/whore.
■ Scarlett Johansson, 19, is mature beyond her years, hooking up with Benicio Del Toro, 37. REALITY CHECK
■ Avril Lavigne, 19, has got just as good of a body as her peers, but she pretty much keeps it under wraps.
■ Teen stars like Jena Malone, 19, and Raven Symone, 18, act their age.
■ Wholesome, reserved cute girls Natalie Portman, Anne Hathaway and Mandy Moore prove that in Hollywood, the only time starlets don’t have to be sexed up is in their 20s.
■ Kate Hudson, Reese Witherspoon and Kate Winslet are yummy mommies who make gazillions more than their adoring husbands. REALITY CHECK
■ Drew Barrymore, 29, is divorced, emotional, sexual, not superthin-and she’s business-minded and happily in love with a drummer.
■ Pop star Pink, 24, and Six Feet Under character Claire Fisher are both prone to partying, speaking their minds, wearing their hearts on their sleeves and experimenting with bad boys (and sometimes girls).
■ Jennifer Lopez, Pamela Anderson, Janet Jackson, Angelina Jolie, Carmen Electra, Halle Berry, Kylie Minogue: all have otherworldly bodies and seem to bounce from relationship to relationship unfazed.
■ Uma Thurman, Kelly Ripa and Jada Pinkett Smith are ultra-thin moms.
« Literary character Bridget Jones battles her weight and waits for the phone to ring.
■ Moms Cynthia Nixon (Sex and the City) and Rachel Griffiths (Six Feet Under) both did sex scenes despite not being back to pre-baby weight.
■ Madonna has that high-maintenance body, Demi Moore has that plus a ridiculously young boyfriend, and Kim Cattrall has the body plus a well-publicized sexual appetite both onand off-screen.
■ Unmarried gals Patricia Clarkson, MaryLouise Parker and Sandra Bullock have great figures but are better known for their smart and funny personas and performances.
■ Sophia Loren has sex appeal no mere mortal can match.
■ While it would be nice if all grandmas were getting as much action as widow Ruth Fisher on Six Feet Under, it’s unlikely.
■ Perky and plastic, Cher, Farrah Fawcett and Suzanne Somers are desperately holding on to their sex-symbol status.
■ When women like Diane Keaton (Something’s Gotta Give) and Kathy Bates (About Schmidt), who are aging naturally, get naked onscreen, it freaks people out (especially Jack Nicholson). REALITY CHECK
■ Isabella Rossellini, Kim Basinger, Helen Mirren and Jessica Lange are aging unapologetically and still get offered the odd role with some steamy scenes.
n In her performances, Judi Dench (Mrs. Brown, Iris) shows sexagenarians still have passion in them.
■ Stockard Channing plays the first lady in and out of the bedroom on The West Wing.
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