THE BACK PAGES

Darling I love you, but give me Park Avenue

BRIAN BETHUNE January 9 2006
THE BACK PAGES

Darling I love you, but give me Park Avenue

BRIAN BETHUNE January 9 2006

WHY CHAINSAWS BELONG OUTSIDE

YOU CAN’T PICK YOUR FAMILY

Here’s a tip on how to survive the holiday. A) Don't clean your chainsaw indoors. Kenneth Knox tried it last week in Vassalboro, Maine, and was told by a brother-in-law to take it outside. B) Don't respond by pulling the TV cable out of the wall, as Knox did, and whipping your brother-in-law. C) Don't chase him with an axe. D) Don't pour gasoline on a wood stove, burning the family home down. If you do all this, you will be pepper-sprayed and arrested.