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BRAZIL: INEPT SOCCER PLAYERS VS. OLD COPS

Military police in the coastal city of Niterói have gone to court to sue Assad Couto, a gym teacher in the school next to their base, because he’s been teaching students to play soccer—badly. A police spokesman says, “These kids are hopeless! They are constantly jumping our wall to catch the balls.” A spokesman for the school says of the cops: “They are a bunch of old, frustrated policemen who can’t stand the vitality of our students!”